As we enter the holiday season, many among us are getting ready to celebrate in our way — and for many families, that means holiday movies. But there’s more to this storied genre than just Elf, Home Alone, and Eight Crazy Nights. Let’s take a moment to celebrate the holiday films that many of us would rather forget.
Number 5. Scooby Doo and Ebenezer Too
Everyone loves Scooby Doo. A couple of people presumably love A Christmas Carol. Hanna-Barbera, desperate to corner a market of potentially dozens, created this crossover in 2003. Though the idea that the ghosts were merely disguised beggars was an unwelcome change, I appreciated the bittersweet ending: Shaggy, discovering the value of Christmas giving, realizes the true monster is Scrooge, and delivers him to the guillotine to be executed.
Number 4. Rudolph Saves President’s Day
Who doesn’t love a little Rankin/Bass? While it may not be as iconic as the other Rudolph films, this movie consistently makes its way onto lists of the best President’s Day movies, and for good reason. Jack Nicholson’s Lincoln is a tour de force work of celebrity voice acting, and Mel Gibson’s Washington— oh, that’s why no one talks about it anymore.
Number 3. Home Alone Eighteen
Dedicated Home Alone fans will tell you that the first is the best, followed by the second, followed by the twenty-first, and followed by the eighteenth. But there’s a lot to love about this film! They may not have Macaulay Culkin, but HA18 delivers when it comes to over-the-top violence: in the climax, a burglar accidentally hacks off his arm after the protagonist launches a broken Madagascar DVD into his eyes. Don’t worry — he gets better.
Number 2. Very Merry Marital Troubles
For many, Hallmark movies are a guilty pleasure. But the devout among us will recall that too much pleasure is a sin— and we have Very Merry for them. Continuing the story of Carol Jolly and Gurt Farmboy from Very Merry Marriage, VMMT follows them through their second Christmas as Carol struggles to find work in their charming little town and Gurt grapples with the fact that Carol doesn’t want kids. After Carol’s mother unexpectedly falls ill, they realize the true meaning of Christmas is divorce.
Number 1. Fox News Presents: The War on Christmas: Revenge of the Gays
Unlike most other films on this list, FNP:TWoC:RotG was released quite recently: since Dec 1, 2023, it’s been airing nightly on Fox News. Tucker Carlson features as Alpha Santa, a god-fearing father defending Christmas from endless hordes of blue-haired latte drinkers, undercover transgenderizers, and women with haircuts that are a little too short. Revenge of the Gays has been described as “hateful” by Vice, “propagandistic” by BBC, and “the only film brave enough to tell the truth about killer lesbians abolishing Jesus” by Fox.
