The Tattler

The Tattler

Multitasking is becoming a more evident problem at BCC.
A Common Fallacy: The Truth Behind Multitasking
May 24, 2024

As defined by the Cambridge Dictionary, multitasking is “a person or product’s ability to do more than one thing at a time.” Think deeply...

B-CC has experienced a steep decline in school spirit.
The Death of School Spirit at B-CC
May 24, 2024

“If you have less school spirit, fewer people are going to get involved in school, and it is going to create less spirit,” said Senior Julian...

Boys Lacrosse Season Recap
Boys Lacrosse Season Recap
May 24, 2024

On Friday, May 3, Boys Lacrosse extended their win streak to seven in the last game of the regular season. The Barons dominated Wootton by a...

Girls Tennis Competes at MCPS County Tournament
Girls' Tennis Competes at MCPS County Tournament
May 24, 2024

Girls Tennis competed in the MCPS County Tournament this week, sending four singles members and three doubles teams to play. Competing at...

xr:d:DAFhsKumGkM:18,j:46782900041,t:23050915
"Little Barons" Celebrate Preschool Graduation
May 24, 2024

While B-CC’s Class of 2024 will not graduate until June 10, members of the class of 2037 had their big day today. On Thursday, May 23, the...

An example of Damians nail art
B-CC Student Runs Successful Nail Business
May 24, 2024

Have you ever wanted to get your nails done but lacked the time, energy, and resources to go to a crowded nail salon? Well, you’re in luck,...

Chiefs kicker makes very controversial speech regarding a women’s role in society
Kansas City Chiefs Kicker Delivers Controversial Commencement Speech
May 24, 2024

Graduation season is here and so, it seems, are controversial graduation speeches. In a faith-based 20-minute commencement address at Catholic...

Anime Baron Suit Full Of Extra Tissues

It’s allergy season at B-CC! And we all know what that means. The rivers will run pale-yellow with snot.
The+Anime+Baron+gloating+over+his+monopoly+on+tissues+
Nathaniel Seaman
The Anime Baron gloating over his monopoly on tissues

It’s allergy season at B-CC! And we all know what that means. The rivers will run pale-yellow with snot. Now, this normally isn’t an issue. Normally, tissues are found in the classrooms of our lovely teachers, here at B-CC. Normally, the Anime Baron doesn’t exist. But “normal” doesn’t exist anymore. It will never exist, as long as the Anime Baron walks on god’s green earth.

“It’s *sniff* been really hard to *sniff* complete my classwork lately,” says B-CC student Jacob Snotson. “Normally, I would be able to go up to my teacher *sniff* and ask them for some tissues, but now, all they have (at best) is some paper towels that feel like sandpaper.” Jacob then wiped his nose on his hoodie. “I’ve been thinking about using toilet paper, *sniff* but I’m worried about getting a contact high from the kids vaping in there. *sniff* I blame the Anime Baron. I think the school’s entire budget for tissues was spent on it.” As if by divine providence, the very moment, the Anime Baron turned the corner. “YOU WANNA SAY THAT AGAIN, PUNK?” it said, with the voice of ten-thousand stir-crazy teens during 7th period. It was at that moment that Snotson pulled a 15th century broadsword out of his backpack. The battle for the fate of allergy season had begun.

Snotson fought valiantly, but the Anime Baron, with the speed of ten-thousand teens late for the bus, dodged every strike. “HAH! DO YOU THINK YOUR FOOLISH MORTAL WEAPONS CAN STOP ME? I AM THE ANIME BARON, THE BRINGER OF THE END TIMES. BORN FROM THE BLOOD-SACRIFICE OF DR. MOONEY, AND THE TISSUE BUDGET OF THIS HELLSCAPE OF B-CC,” he monologued, impressively managing to not stumble over his words while dodging attacks. “Ha! *sniff* so you admit it!” Snotson said, preparing his ultimate attack. ”AND WHAT DOES IT MATTER, FOOLISH MORTAL? MY REIGN OVER THIS SCHOOL WILL BE ETERNAL.” 

The battle seemed all but lost for Snotson until he broke out his ultimate attack: Secret Snotson Strategy Seven. “NOOOOOOO!” screamed the Anime Baron, recoiling in pain, as the top half of his body slid off of the bottom. From the wound, a fountain of tissues spewed into the air. A rabid horde of students, snot dripping from their noses, descended upon the tissues like a swarm of locusts. 

As of press time, the Snitch recommends that students in need of tissues grab some from the Anime Baron’s corpse before it resurrects itself.

Leave a Comment
More to Discover
About the Contributor
Nathaniel Seaman, Section Director
Nat is a B-CC senior and is reprising his role as section director of art and photography for the second year in a row. In his free time, Nat enjoys boxing, reading and photography.

Comments (0)

All The Tattler Picks Reader Picks Sort: Newest

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *