The Tattler

The Tattler

The Superbowl was full of surprises
Barons Review the Super Bowl
February 23, 2024

Some say it was rigged. Others argue the game was won fair and square. A few have gone as far as to say that Usher's was the worst Halftime Show...

B-CC wrestlers move to regionals
B-CC Wrestling Takes On The Post Season
February 23, 2024

Twelve members of the B-CC Wrestling team qualified for the Individual Regional Championships after competing in the Individual County Championships...

Sephora Kids have become a menace to retail employees.
Is Social Media Depriving Us of Our Childhood?
February 23, 2024

The pandemic was hard on all of us, and recently, the lasting effects of a year in quarantine are becoming apparent, one of them being the infamous...

Senior Nate Bromberger looks for an opening in a game against Churchill.
Basketball in County Championship Tonight, Feb. 23
February 23, 2024

The top two teams in the county play in the County Championship and this year, both the B-CC Girls and Boys Varsity Basketball teams will compete....

The 2023 B- CC used book sale
Used Book Sale
February 23, 2024

B-CC's PTSA will hold their annual Used Book Sale on March 9 and 10 from 9a.m. to 3p.m. The sale, run by the PTSA, is B-CC’s biggest annual...

Barons Advance to State Quarterfinals
Barons Advance to State Quarterfinals
February 23, 2024

Barons Ice Hockey defeated South River High School in the third round of the playoffs on Tuesday, Feb. 20, at the Gardens Ice House. B-CC got...

Color Wheels created during art class by Barons and their buddies
Best Buddies Travel to Stephen Knolls School
February 23, 2024

On Wednesday, Feb. 21, the B-CC chapter of Best Buddies made a trip to Silver Spring to hang out and engage in bonding activities with their...

It’s Me, Your Future College. I Just Want To Talk

I+just+want+to+talk.%0A%0AArt+by+Erica+Braun
I just want to talk. Art by Erica Braun

Hey Wren!

It’s me, Amy Kraus. I’m emailing you because you didn’t respond to my eight previous emails, or my two previous text messages, or my phone call. I’m from Wilcon University in Connecticut (go Wildcats!), and I just want to talk.

I noticed you didn’t seem interested in our excellent internship opportunities or our low student-to-faculty ratio. That’s okay! You can waste four years of your life at some no-name school for pathetic losers if you want. Sorry! I didn’t mean that. (Go Wildcats!) I’m just saying you might be making the wrong choice.

I get it. You don’t care that much about academics. You just want a nice, chill social life. We have that! Look! Here’s a photo of kids smiling and sitting on a bench! Here’s someone in a sports jersey jumping! Do you see that? There in that group shot? Yeah, that’s a kid with dyed hair AND one with glasses. We have BOTH of those. (Go Wildcats!) You want to go here, right? You want to be smiling and sitting on a bench.

No?

Don’t even worry about it. You’ll end up here either way. When Harvard rejects you, when you tour the University of Missouri and realize it’s all too much for you — you’ll want us back. You’ll beg for it. And in your hour of need, we’ll be there for you. We’re here for you. We just want to talk.

Always your college,

Wilcon University

Leave a Comment
More to Discover

Comments (0)

All The Tattler Picks Reader Picks Sort: Newest

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *