In news that comes as both a shock and a great source of shame to all of us here at The Snitch, sources indicate that Editor-in-Chief Wren Buehler is adjusting well to life outside our satire dungeon, rather than, as expected, begging to be let back in.
This news comes in the wake of an unfortunate incident wherein, as a graduation present, Buehler was granted a fifteen-minute period to visit the outside world. When pressed for information about the escape, Snitch prison guard, Biff Meathead, said that “this is a great shame to our newspaper. Rest assured, we will capture this rogue editor, who we will return to her position, and if she resists, she will be kept captive as all editors deserve to be.”
Snitch editor, Johnathan B. Wilkes, was more optimistic. “As an editor-in-chief, Wren is totally lacking in useful life skills. The moment she’s confronted with a real job, she’ll realize that life in prison is the best option for her.”
Unfortunately, Snitch spies report that Buehler has yet to crack psychologically. Only time will tell if The Snitch will be able to edit articles next year.
As of press time, Snitch administrators have suggested re-budgeting, cutting funding to the Snitch entrapment department in order to finance the capture of a new Editor-in-Chief, or to the writing team, so they can actually write some good articles this coming year.
