Single (And Not Sad) During V-Day

Valentine’s Day is fast approaching, and love is in the air. That means a lot of people in relationships will be doing classic couples activities…except for those of us Barons who haven’t been lucky enough to be hit by Cupid’s arrow.

Some may feel sorry for single people during this time of year, but think of all the perks they get that couples take for granted. The discounted candy section never looked as good as the days after Valentine’s, and you can stuff your face with heart-shaped chocolates that you bought for yourself, almost filling the heart-shaped void in your soul. 

Nothing screams “Valentine’s Day” like watching Titanic by yourself over a tub of vanilla ice cream, honoring your vanilla love life. You’re definitely not going to cry thinking about how you’ll never experience that level of once-in-a-lifetime romance. 

Your friends may be receiving valentines and gifts from their sweethearts, but you don’t have to worry about being embarrassed by an impromptu grand gesture at school. The only acceptable ones are being serenaded with your favorite song (10 Things I Hate About You) or building you your dream house (The Notebook). But, no one would ever be able to live up to movie expectations anyway, so what’s the point?  

Sure you can throw a Gal-entine’s party, but where do you think those friends will be on the actual holiday? With their sweethearts (duh), while you’re left at home alone to make plans for a night by yourself. 

In fact, loneliness is a mindset, and your delusions can keep you satisfied without even having to leave the comfort of your own home. You can fangirl over Jacob Elordi while watching The Kissing Booth edits playing on repeat. Plus, the Jeremy Allen White Calvin Klein commercial could use some more views. Celebrities are way better than real boyfriends and won’t disappoint you with false expectations. 

While all your peers suffocate the school with their lust, you may feel like there is nothing you can do but sit and watch. However, you can cure this disease called love by balancing it out with a hint of pessimism.  

Make sure to remind all of your least favorite couples that only 2-5% of high school relationships make it long-term. If that isn’t enough to discourage them, you can politely let them know that about 50% of marriages end in divorce, because why suffer alone when you could bring others down with you?

A final message to all of our (sad) satisfied singles: don’t feel too sad. There are a ton of specials going on at Chick-fil-A and Dominoes, and you don’t need another person to enjoy a heart-shaped tub of chicken nuggets or pizza. Take a bubble bath and tune in to watch new episodes of The Bachelor. Reality TV is so scripted it won’t matter that they’re finding “love” while you’re alone at home. Your time will come eventually, don’t despair!  The best kind of love is self-love.