Late last night, fear gripped the B-CC community after an anonymous source confirmed that a nasty ogre has captured Dr. Mooney. Security footage indicates that, during a late-night planning session in the main office, the nasty ogre grabbed our principal, put him in a sack, and chuckled maliciously to himself before disappearing into the mysterious labyrinth below the E-Wing basement. We sent our dungeon correspondent, Sir Leon of Bethesdica, to pursue them deep into the caverns.
Though the nasty ogre had a significant head start, Leon made quick progress, unhindered by enormous spiders, devious goblins, and bloodthirsty freshmen. He soon found the nasty ogre, and was surprised to find that Dr. Mooney had forged a deep kinship with it.
“Honestly,” said Dr. Mooney, “the nasty ogre and I were able to find common ground. We both have difficult jobs managing a lot of ungrateful people — it’s just that I help teenagers get an education, and he rules a subterranean kingdom of trolls through military power.” The nasty ogre grunted in agreement.
Asked if he wanted to return to the surface, Mooney wavered. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love education and all that, but if you’d read the emails I get from parents…” Mooney grew silent. “I’m staying with the ogre.”
Our correspondent asked him to reconsider, but he refused. “I can start over here. Build a new school. No emails. No bad news. I belong to the subterranean world now…” Mooney paused. “I’ll miss you all.”
Wormwood Caverns High School will be open in time for the 2024-2025 school year.
