Recently, the B-CC administration has installed smoke detectors in bathrooms and has begun locking all but a select few bathrooms during lunch, making it nearly impossible to hide the act of vaping within the school. However, this has not quelled the desire among former vapers to be obnoxious in public spaces, especially tight, confined ones such as the bathroom.
“Well, playing the recorder is a lot healthier for my lungs than vaping, that’s for sure,” said William Jimenez, a junior at B-CC, in between off-key performances of Greensleeves. “But it just doesn’t hit the same highs, you know? Before, people would hold their noses and rush through using the bathroom. Now they just put in their airpods.” Jimenez listed ways that his peers have replaced vaping. “My friend John started eating durian and watching Big Bang Theory on maximum volume. Another buddy, Steve pretended to have COVID. The most common strategy I’ve seen, however,” Jimenez continued, “is just making small talk to everyone. That one is really effective, but I like to think out of the box, y’know?” Our interview was cut short when another student entered the room, and Jimenez began to play again.
Multiple other strategies have been reported as well, such as self-described “glee club” practice, using the bathroom as a makeshift skatepark, and releasing feral dogs. We asked school janitor Alexander McDougall about his thoughts on the matter. “Y’know, it makes work a bit harder for us. But I like seeing how creative the kids are getting.” McDougall paused to mop up a pile of movie props resembling human entrails. “It lets the theater kids get in on the fun, too.”
As of press time, the B-CC administration had announced a ban on harmonicas, trumpets, talking, and urinating while in bathrooms. Further measures are in discussion as well, such as only opening the bathrooms on the third Tuesday of February each leap year, or placing security cameras within each stall.
