During the last Wellness Wednesday, students were required to take a survey asking for their favorite fruit. The options were: Oranges, Pineapples, Apples, Grapes, and Clams. After taking the seemingly random survey students were surprised to be delivered a new ID with their choice of fruit printed on the top right.
Students returned to school the next week to find the security guards pointing students to different areas depending on their fruit. Students soon found an email from MCPS:
“Good Morning students. Recent research has shown that a student’s work ethic, intelligence, and proper social group is accurately shown by their favorite fruit. Therefore we have split the students into ranks. Each rank will have their own meetup spot so students will only be around others who are worthy of their presence. This will properly divide the different ranks of students. Ranks will also include certain perks. We hope you will learn to accept your place in this school. With full respect, MCPS.”
After comparing the advantages and disadvantages of each rank, students have found a clear hierarchy: from lowest to highest is Oranges, Pineapples, Apples, Grapes and on top, Clams.
Students wondering why Clams are considered a fruit were given the answer that “Dr. Mooney considers Clams the bananas of the sea.”
The meetup spot for the sticky Orange lovers is placed in the E-wing. This is the only spot with no security. The area is small and the only accommodation is expired orange smoothies that the cafeteria needed to get rid of. Students in the Orange rank have reported experiencing discrimination from other ranks. When sophomore Orin Jacobs was asked about his experience he responded that “We Orange supporters get no respect anymore, we’re the laughing stock of the school. Multiple times I have had canned clams poured onto me by its supporters and the security does nothing about it. I don’t get it. Clams aren’t even that good! It’s not just Clammys either, I once got points off a science test for no reason, and when I asked my teacher, she told me I deserved it for liking oranges.”
Pineapple enjoyers are not much better. Their meeting spot is placed on the tennis court. Unlike the Orange rank they have a small security team dedicated to keeping out the Orange supporters. Their base is equipped with enough pineapple concentrate for each member to get one glass a week. The seniors of the club designated Fridays as the official pineapple juice day and deemed it illegal to drink the golden liquid on any other day. The base is also the home of an old CRT TV that can only show “Spongebob.”
The Pineapple clan is the most divided as well. About half of the Pineapples believe they should unite with the Oranges to achieve equality for all fruits. While the other half believes that they should rule over them. Psychologists theorize that this is due to a faction becoming so power hungry that they use whatever control they have to torment others the same way they have been. Coincidentally, most of the Pineapple faction are sophomores.
Apple’s base is located in the basement. Being in the middle of the ranks, the Apple lovers’ lives haven’t changed dramatically. They tend to be peaceful people and don’t get too bothered with the world. This mentality is also shown through the guards who were known to turn a blind eye to any lower rank visitors.
Apple enjoyers love everything to do with fall. Along with free apples, they also enjoy the occasional pumpkin product on special events. Once a month each member is challenged to make their own gourmet apple pie to be tasted by the group leaders. The ten best chefs will be rewarded with a trip to the apple orchard where they will select the best apples and will be honored at the annual harvest festival, where they will be sacrificed to the apple god “Redlish-Fuji”.
The students who selected Grapes live a life of luxury. Being located in the language hall they are close to their closest allies, the Clams. The Grape rank sees the Clams as their rulers and worships them. They constantly have parties with Clams as the guests of honor. They do whatever they are told and are rewarded for their loyalty.
Along with their unlimited access to the glorious Grapes they also receive a 10% curve on all assignments. The Clams provide extensive security as well.
On the very top of the fruit chain is Clams. They take up the entire fourth floor where they have an eye on all the ranks. They have numerous guards located on the staircases making sure nobody who is not an “MVC” (most valuable Clammy) can not pass unless invited.
The Clams are the smallest group but have the most power. The Grapes serve as loyal followers and an army. Clams are known to dress in expensive silk to show status. They also have access to the pool above the school. Clams aren’t required to go to class as they will automatically get an A. For fun they enjoy swimming, golfing, parties, and tormenting lower ranks.
They have almost no rules except for the word of their leader. Unknown to any other ranks but the top rank is guided by a holy Clam named Larry. Larry has top security and is loved by all Clam members. With his help, the Clams run the school with a tight grip, akin to a Clam.
Tensions are getting higher as word is spreading of a rebellion similar to the ones in every single young adult book released after the Hunger Games, led by the Pineapple rank. Clams have tightened security but it looks like the school is heading into war.
Larry advises you to stay in a safe place, eat your fruit of choice, and wait for more information. Will you survive the Great Fruit Rebellion?
