Because of the recent Automatic Vape Detector installed last week on Tuesday, vaping has been monitored in bathrooms, classrooms, and hallways. Every instance of vaping has been put on a computer in Dr. Mooney’s office, heavily guarded in a padlocked safe, covered in chains, barbed wire, suspended above a pool of molten lava. The Vape Detectors themselves are tiny cameras about a tenth of an inch in diameter, easily able to blend into brick walls. There are about five per bathroom, seventeen per hallway, and three per classroom. There have also been reports of some around the track and field, main entrance, and garden.
On a daily basis, there are about four instances of vaping per bathroom, two per hallway, and ten everywhere else. This school year alone, there have been 93 B-CC students with recorded instances of vaping, 59 of which have done so more than twice. Only 27 students have been caught vaping on camera over 10 times, which are: [REDACTED].
This Wednesday however, someone decided it was a good idea to connect the admin computer and Dr. Mooney’s computer onto the same server, clearly ignoring the skull and crossbones decal on the server. The Admin computer has every detail on enrolled students on file, including birthdays, favorite color, shoe size, and suspension status. Most students are labeled “ATTENDING,” with some “SUSPENDED.”
When the two computers were connected, some freak misinput merged the two systems, with any student not counted as a vaper listed under “PENDING EXPULSION.” The admin personnel in charge of approving expulsions lets their hamster do their job for them, as all they have to do is click a little red button whenever it pops up.
Unless your name shows up in bccvapelist.com, do not show up to school tomorrow because you are expelled indefinitely. If you are within a one-mile radius of the B-CC school grounds, armed security personnel are legally obligated to terminate you with extreme prejudice.
At time of publishing, student advocacy groups are pending a lawsuit against B-CC, however they are having a smidge of trouble delivering it to the school.
In related news, the non-expelled students are attempting to get the teachers to “hit a cart,” so as to not be fired.
