A recent study by Our Mysterious and Great Leader (A.K.A. our head editor) has found that The Tattler has been run by staff who are stinky poopoo meany faces. This statement was released after the bullies refused to publish our thoroughly investigated expert piece of journalism titled The 5 Ugliest People at B-CC High School. Furthermore, we discovered that the chair of Our Person of Tremendous Charisma (A.K.A. our head editor) had been misplaced. This confirms our long-present suspicions that they have been attempting to sabotage the efforts of The Snitch to provide reliable and readable news.
The motivations of The Tattler are unclear. However, they have repeatedly attempted to deny our pivotal request for a Ferrari 812 Superfast in order to drive to Andi’s Pizza, the location where our creativity is fully unleashed. The absence of motivation leads us to conclude that there is no other excuse besides their being sticky poopoo meany faces.
Our Courageous and Bold Leader, who is as intrepid as a lion, ventured into Tattler HQ for interviews of Tattler writers. Upon being asked what they thought of Snitch staff, they yelled that all Snitch employees should go die in a hole and that they were horrible at everything.
This behavior has led to suspicion around the reliability of what is thought of as B-CC’s most fragrant news source. After being asked if he would still read The Tattler, Our Uproarious, Magnanimous, and Breathtakingly Completely Democratically Elected President (A.K.A. our head editor) remarked “Everything is up in the air right now. All we know is that poopoo meanie faces are among us.”
Even the conditions of working for Tattler are not to be trusted. Many eyewitnesses report strange odors outside Tattler HQ, screams of the darned, and black smoke emanating from under the door. “That smoke is just our badass fog machine, and no, you can’t borrow it” a quote from a Tattler employee revealed, clearly trying to mask their demonic roots.
At press time, we are awaiting approval for 3 articles; how to hide a dead body, the 7 most boring clubs, and the secret love life of every janitorial staff. The Snitch’s Strikingly Exquisite Lord and Savior (A.K.A. our head editor) is fully prepared to wage war by any means necessary if the articles are rejected.
