Phone use during class time has been a repeating nationwide issue ever since the pandemic dragged our attention spans behind a shed and discretely disposed of them in the Boston harbor once finished. Numerous strategies have been attempted by MCPS, to varying degrees of success. However, B-CC has a new idea, starkly different from those that have come before: A big guy with a hammer named Mungo.
Every day, at the beginning of school, Mungo is planned to begin wandering the halls of B-CC. At any time, a teacher may call Mungo to their room if they spot a student on their phone. At that point, Mungo will walk in, armed with a hammer obtained from a local Home Depot, and smash it to pieces in front of the student.
“You know, I see Mungo as a sort of win-win for B-CC” said Rebecca A. Mish, head of the B-CC Anti-Phone Association (BAPA). “We get someone that deals with in-class distraction effectively, and Bethesda county prison gets an inmate off their hands,” she said. As she spoke, she showed us a large Ziploc bag with hundreds of shards of broken phones, as well as one smashed finger. “Mungo is quite lovely once you get to know him, actually. As long as he’s able to sate his violent impulses a couple times a day. He does sewing as a hobby, in fact!” she said. Then she pointed to a fabric sign hung in the room, with the word “DESTROY” embroidered in big red letters, with highly intricate stitching. “Ever since we let Mungo loose here, there has been a steep 67% drop in phone use. Unfortunately, a similar loss in attendance has been noticed recently, but we haven’t found any correlation between them yet,” she said.
To gain further information about this new policy, we sent our star interviewer, Perry Flounder, to interview Mungo. So far only Flounder’s left arm has been found, strewn atop the roof of the A wing.
At time of publishing, us at the Snitch offices have been considering hiring a big guy with a baseball bat named Grungo to enforce deadlines among our writers, but talks with the Chevy Chase maximum security prison colony are still in their infancy.
This article is dedicated to the brave efforts of Perry Flounder, whose family has been compensated with a $10 Starbucks gift card for his untimely passing.
