It’s allergy season at B-CC! And we all know what that means. The rivers will run pale-yellow with snot. Now, this normally isn’t an issue. Normally, tissues are found in the classrooms of our lovely teachers, here at B-CC. Normally, the Anime Baron doesn’t exist. But “normal” doesn’t exist anymore. It will never exist, as long as the Anime Baron walks on god’s green earth.
“It’s *sniff* been really hard to *sniff* complete my classwork lately,” says B-CC student Jacob Snotson. “Normally, I would be able to go up to my teacher *sniff* and ask them for some tissues, but now, all they have (at best) is some paper towels that feel like sandpaper.” Jacob then wiped his nose on his hoodie. “I’ve been thinking about using toilet paper, *sniff* but I’m worried about getting a contact high from the kids vaping in there. *sniff* I blame the Anime Baron. I think the school’s entire budget for tissues was spent on it.” As if by divine providence, the very moment, the Anime Baron turned the corner. “YOU WANNA SAY THAT AGAIN, PUNK?” it said, with the voice of ten-thousand stir-crazy teens during 7th period. It was at that moment that Snotson pulled a 15th century broadsword out of his backpack. The battle for the fate of allergy season had begun.
Snotson fought valiantly, but the Anime Baron, with the speed of ten-thousand teens late for the bus, dodged every strike. “HAH! DO YOU THINK YOUR FOOLISH MORTAL WEAPONS CAN STOP ME? I AM THE ANIME BARON, THE BRINGER OF THE END TIMES. BORN FROM THE BLOOD-SACRIFICE OF DR. MOONEY, AND THE TISSUE BUDGET OF THIS HELLSCAPE OF B-CC,” he monologued, impressively managing to not stumble over his words while dodging attacks. “Ha! *sniff* so you admit it!” Snotson said, preparing his ultimate attack. ”AND WHAT DOES IT MATTER, FOOLISH MORTAL? MY REIGN OVER THIS SCHOOL WILL BE ETERNAL.”
The battle seemed all but lost for Snotson until he broke out his ultimate attack: Secret Snotson Strategy Seven. “NOOOOOOO!” screamed the Anime Baron, recoiling in pain, as the top half of his body slid off of the bottom. From the wound, a fountain of tissues spewed into the air. A rabid horde of students, snot dripping from their noses, descended upon the tissues like a swarm of locusts.
As of press time, the Snitch recommends that students in need of tissues grab some from the Anime Baron’s corpse before it resurrects itself.
